You can feel something cracking inside, tearing your soul. What? How? And most importantly, WHY???
Is there any hope? You ask yourself. You question about everything on earth. What do I lack? Was I not worthy enough? Where did I gone wrong? Am I walking in a wrong path all my life? Am I too complicated? Am I asking for too much? Don’t I deserve it? There creeps in distrust. You are a loser. You have always been one. You are hating yourself. You can’t live with yourself anymore.
It feels completely alright when we hate other people. But hating your own self is unbearable. Your throat chokes. Tears struggle to come out, but you can’t cry. Deep inside something is breaking every moment and only you know it, you deal with it. You are slowly giving up on yourself. You frantically look out for some instant relief. Like a pill or something. Something to comfort you. But you have gone too far to bring yourself back and driving everyone around you crazy! What you exactly want?
Aimless. Confused. Paranoid. You feel you’re drowning and crave for something to hold on. You look for little bit of inspiration; the quotes you come across in Facebook timeline, the wisdom columns in newspapers, inspirational blogs and what not. Still you don’t talk about it. You are already nagging within yourself. How can you make the other person understand how you are exactly feeling. You shut yourself up!
But everyone has gone through it. Doubting yourself is quite familiar. No one ever express it. But, at some point of time, at some situation, we doubted our existence. We wondered, would it make big difference if I would no longer be here!
That point of time, you need a tight hug whispering in your ears, ‘Calm down! You can’t give up! I know you are being difficult. I know you are doubting yourself. But trust me, you have potential beyond your imagination. Trust me, you can accomplish anything and everything your heart desires. You deserve every goodness in the world. You cannot settle for less. You are amazing. You are wonderful!’
And that hug should come from Yourself. Yes, no other person can understand and know you as well as you do; your good and bad, flaws and blessings. No words, no person can heal you. It’s you who has to pick yourself up. The more you ask for advises from external sources, be it a friend, a guide, family…you’ll end up getting confused and perplexed. Don’t try to manipulate yourself according to the world. There is altogether an unique equation within your thoughts and actions.
So, if you are doubting yourself today, try to impress yourself in some way. Do the things that you actually like, that calm you down. Reading autobiographies help a lot when you lose hope about yourself. Try to understand other people’s story. You may find a similar story as yours or something more miserable that actually makes you feel like life has been kinder to you.
This blog is dedicated to those who are doubting your potential right at this moment. This is just a phase. And like all other happy-sad phases, ‘This shall pass too!’